Everyone is watching Breaking Bad. Everyone has been telling me to watch Breaking Bad for over a year. Well last week I finally gave in to the nagging and started it. I'm only slightly embarrassed to announce that in one week, I have watched 2 1/2 seasons. I'm in it for the long haul. And like most things that I emotionally invest in, it is ruining my life. (My definition of a life-ruiner includes all things that are so good that nothing else in life measures up.) Here's why Breaking Bad is a life ruiner:
1. You will think you are capable of cooking and selling meth
Ok. Obviously I am not capable of making meth and neither are most of you. But this show gives me a false sense that I have some sort of dark side that would be capable of doing it. There is something that seems so satisfying about making the best, purest, blue meth out there. It's so edgy and the show makes it almost glamorous, which is bad and we shouldn't think of it that was. (But it mostly looks really glamorous on TV.) Also, the money. Who doesn't want that kind of cheddar???
2. you may come face to face with an inner heisenberg
When I binge watch a show, I have a tendency to become like the characters in the show. When I watched Parks and Rec, I transformed into hard-working, energetic, passionate Leslie Knope. When I watched Scandal, I became the powerful, pant suit-wearing fixer Olivia Pope. And when I watch Breaking Bad, I become moody and angry and constantly anxious about getting caught for drugs that I don't, and never would have in the first place. Maybe we all have an inner Heisenberg and we don't know about it, Walter White certainly didn't know he had an inner Heisenberg.
3. every situation involving jesse pinkman will crush you emotionally
JUST LOOK AT HIM! LOOK. AT. HIM.
My love for Jesse Pinkman runs deep. He is the only character on the show that is remotely likable and everyone is a jerk to him. Sure, he makes really horrible decisions sometimes a.k.a. most of the time, but he has really good intentions and a pure heart and WHY CAN'T EVERYONE LOVE HIM THE WAY I DO.
Whenever Jesse Pinkman cries, you will cry. When Jesse Pinkman is happy, you will be happy. He is the emotional tie that holds the show together. And he is beautiful. So so beautiful.
My love for Jesse Pinkman runs deep. He is the only character on the show that is remotely likable and everyone is a jerk to him. Sure, he makes really horrible decisions sometimes a.k.a. most of the time, but he has really good intentions and a pure heart and WHY CAN'T EVERYONE LOVE HIM THE WAY I DO.
Whenever Jesse Pinkman cries, you will cry. When Jesse Pinkman is happy, you will be happy. He is the emotional tie that holds the show together. And he is beautiful. So so beautiful.
4. you will start using the lingo, and you will sound ridiculous
This is the symptom of watching Breaking Bad that affects me the most. Jesse, particularly, has a pretty unique lexicon. I had never referred money as "cheddar" or "fat stacks" until I started watching, but now I can't stop. Say "fat stacks" and tell me you didn't feel 10x cooler than saying "money." Seriously. Say it now.
Also, referring to making meth as "cooking" really makes me happy. Now I can say I'm cooking in the kitchen and it's like a secret inside joke with myself that I actually could mean meth (although I do not mean meth, unless there is meth in Spaghetti-Os).
Also, referring to making meth as "cooking" really makes me happy. Now I can say I'm cooking in the kitchen and it's like a secret inside joke with myself that I actually could mean meth (although I do not mean meth, unless there is meth in Spaghetti-Os).
5. you now know that you can dissolve a body in acid
Do I even need to go into detail about this?
This was disgusting. And they did it more than once. And it was disgusting. Some things can't be unseen. It is burned into my mind forever.
This was disgusting. And they did it more than once. And it was disgusting. Some things can't be unseen. It is burned into my mind forever.